I used to get uppity when Boyfriend told people how we've never had a fight. Sir, please. The She-Hulk raged at this utter and complete lie, until one day she realized something. Boyfriend, and it pains me greatly to say this...oh God, I think I'm having a brain aneurysm (what's a brain aneurysm?)...Boyfriend is right. We've never had a fight, we're still having the same fight we started having the day we met. The fight has just never concluded but includes many tangents and offshoots, so it gets confusing sometimes. I know for certain that we've gone beyond the usual nine rounds, but neither of us will take that knock-out punch. It's a constant swing and a miss on both ends. Such a shame that both of us have to win or die trying, which is what it might just come to.
Also, don't get a brain aneurysm. An estimated one out of 15 people in the States get them and they can result in a stroke or death. Or other things too, but I've already forgotten both the facts and my source, so...just don't get one, okay? Except for the people that I hate, get as many freaking aneurysms as you please. If you get one for Christmas, that's from me. The sucker that just wanted his two front teeth for the holidays was a damn fool. Wishing with a vengence is much more fun.
I know that a big problem that Boyfriend and I have is a lapse in communication. Well, no. That statement is true and it isn't at the same time. That's right, the best of both worlds because it removes the possibility of me sharing falsehoods with you. Or maybe not. I'm pretty sure I lie all the time in the blog (By the by, it's my blog and I'll do what I please). Well, not lie, but make the story better with false truths. Boyfriend and I have moments where both of us are mute about what drives us out of our heads. This makes the other crazy because we have yet to hone our telepathy skills. I try to transmit my thoughts with such high concentration I don't know how he doesn't clue into what I'm thinking. Especially when my eyes bulge out of my head and I mouth the words of my thoughts...with the audio aid of the words themselves. I shake my head. Triple B. Bad Boyfriend Behaviour. Open your ears and shut your mouth, man.
Boyfriend and I had a very rational argument the other day. It was one of those Jekyll and Hyde days for the weather, and Boyfriend and I took Mutt to the dog park. We keep going in hopes that when it comes time to take Mutt off-leash, he'll run away from us and never come back. Dumb ass. Anyhow, Boyfriend and I sat on the park bench overlooking the ocean. Between Boyfriend pointing out nice boats and the polite interruption to sip tea from the english china we toted along,we argued in friendly conversational tones like this:
I'm excited that summer's coming. I'll be down at the boat all the time. (Boyfriend takes a short sip of tea)
Good, because the two of us in our small apartment is going to make me kill you. (I adjust the brim of the hat I usually only wear to the horse races)
Yeah, you're getting on my last nerve too. (Boyfriend sets his teacup on the saucer and flashes a charismatic smile)
There are times I think about never coming back home. (I offer him a refill from the teapot and he graciously nods his head)
Me too. That's enough thank you, I need room for milk and sugar. Two lumps please.
Proves we're meant to be, doesn't it? (Two small splashes from the sugar cubes come from his teacup)
It sure does. (Boyfriend takes the dainty spoon to stir in the sugar, we catch each other's eye and smile sweetly)
There are also times where we are not so rational. The example that comes to mind is a time we walked to the movie theatre. It's no secret that I like to meander. Boyfriend knows this, and yet, he persisted in walking faster than me. The She-Hulk appeared in a flash and later went on to ransack a village. Believe me when I say you do not want to be the woman yelling like a banshee in front of a 7-11 about her asshole Boyfriend walking in front of her down the street. Nobody will take your side and they will all avert their gaze when you pass.
The point is, when Boyfriend and I argue, we need to bring it outside. Our pea pod-size apartment is just not large enough to accommodate all our words and humongous egos and attitudes. We're like good farmers and keep our fight free-range. That means if it ever gets sold in stores, we can charge more for it. Always good to keep an eye out for ways to supplement the income.
The fight is on pause right now because Boyfriend made me laugh this morning. I mocked his computer skills and his serious retort was, Hey! I'm a Googler now.
Time for tea,
K
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