Well. Not a happy realization this morning. I woke up with the old people. Clarification might be needed here. I didn't wake up with old people, that would be some kind of crazy bedroom situation that...yipes. Just yipes. What I mean to say is that I woke up at the old folk witching hour if you will. I was well rested and out for a walk with Mutt, not cognizant of the time. Eventually I noticed that everyone we passed by were of the silver-haired clan. Abandoned toys were scattered across lawns, as though the young ones raced inside, knowing that the time of day did not belong to them. The wrinkle faces would be about at this hour. And I walked among them this morning, that idea scared the hell out of me. Mutt and I ran home, raced up the apartment steps, slamming our door behind us and bolting the lock. I dragged the dresser into the hall and barricaded the door. We made it back safe, they couldn't initiate us into their tribe if they couldn't get us. I ran to the mirror, just to check that there were no liver spots, nasty chin hairs or cataracts. No symptoms were apparent. I must have been infected with their early-morning air though, Mutt and I put on aprons and baked some bread, did laundry, dishes, dusted the hard candies in the gaudy glass bowl on the side table, cleaned the bedroom, and vacuumed. I'm not used to being so productive. Lunch was served at 9 a.m. and Mutt excused himself to nap after the meal while I decided twas time to write another blog since it's been over a week now. Old people like me live in the moment and don't procrastinate. No wonder Boyfriend is always up to something.
I've also deduced something else about old people: going green is a learned behaviour. I've met some biddies that think it's just a hoax and refuse to believe it. Everything goes in the garbage and that's that. Consume and throw away, the circle of life. Boyfriend works hard to understand the concept of saving the planet, but I still find myself digging through our garbage like a raccoon finding plastic containers to put in the right receptacle. Also, if I'm lucky in my rooting I come across dinner scraps that are perfect for a snack. I do like to nibble.
I care very much for the Earth. I mean, until life is possible on another planet, Earth will remain my number one. However, the consumer in me does like new things. And you know if you lived on Saturn, that planet would treat you real good. I'm pretty sure standards would be higher for recycling on Saturn because that planet is too evolved for garbage dumps and waste. When something is past its prime, including household couches and old clothes, the objects will just dissolve into some sort of organic matter that you can compost in your alien plant garden. Ah yes, I'm good to the Earth so I can be rewarded with an alien plant garden on Saturn. Living the dream people. Don't piggyback on my dreams. Just be good to our planet long enough to see me off.
Boyfriend makes my efforts all the more trying. I suppose I make his life difficult for being pro-green...and by being myself. I need to remember to charge my cell phone so I can videotape that moment that my actions actually make him snap. Any day now.
I think Boyfriend's biggest point of contention is that I don't tell him what I'm doing to go green, so he's ignorant to my efforts. The biggest one that makes the steam come out of his ears is my propensity to unplug electronics. We don't waste power in this mud hut. If I see something that's not in use, I unplug it in order to conserve. Awhile ago he insisted that we needed a new toaster. Ours was broken. He also went on to complain about how we just got that toaster and it was still under warranty. Couple things, Boyfriend: 1) I've had that toaster longer than you and I have been together, get your facts straight. 2) Try plugging it in. That's my special trick of getting it to transform bread into toast. Abra Cadabra!
Another thing I like to unplug are what are referred to as vampire cell phone chargers. Boyfriend has one for work and one for his personal cell phone (aka the one that belongs in a museum). There was a solid week where he couldn't understand why neither one would hold their charge. An important aspect of charging one's cell phone is by making sure the cord is plugged into the outlet as well as the phone. He was not a happy old fella when he found out the reason they wouldn't work was because of my interference. Wish I could say I was sorry, but let's get real, the She Hulk doesn't apologize. Sorry you don't care about the planet as I do. That's the best you get. No, wait, I've got one better. Sorry you can't grow intelligence. Sorry your kind still drag their knuckles on the ground when they walk. Evolve damn it! Darwin had it right...
Boyfriend insists that I refrain from this unplugging behaviour. I insist that Boyfriend acknowledge my decree to do what we can to save the planet and one day the She-Hulk will run away from him and start her new life on Saturn. It helps get her point across when she grabs Boyfriend by the throat with one hand and lifts him off the ground to shout the message into his face. In our home, we call this positive reinforcement.
The moral of today's story is to remember not to get old, and that if you don't care for the planet, the She Hulk will get you. She won't show you the same leniency that she shows Boyfriend.
Time for tea,
K
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