Oh Autumn, the best season of them all. Summer, I'm sorry, even though we usually have a good time, you'll always be my silver medal. I just like bundling up and sipping hot beverages from Starbucks better when the sidewalk is awash with successful suicide attempts by colourful leaves. Also, in autumn one needs to wear more clothes, so it's okay to finally let that gut you've been holding in all summer flop over top of your jeans. But Summer, we will always have frappuccinos, that's the one thing you have over Autumn. Plus you burn me, it's an abusive relationship.
I had to call Muse to find out how one spells frappuccino; we've all learned something today.
With all the delicious things about fall (Starbucks, scarves, cute sweaters and new boots), the thing that Boyfriend and I miss each other most on is football. He loves cute sweaters and new boots. I like him better if I think he does anyhow. Moving on. Now that NFL is on we've hit that season where the footing of our relationship gets a little tricky. Side note here, NFL is the point of contention because according to some people, CFL isn't a real sport (and yet he still watches it). I'm just the messenger, don't hold me in contempt if you like the team that wears the corn husk hats.
With football comes the annual... let's call it a debate over the living room situation: what to do about the television. Let me preface this by telling you about Boyfriend's love numero deux: Dudes in tight spandex throwing a pig skin, he loves it. Were they really made of pig skin back in the day? What kind of weirdo comes up with that? Honestly, guh-ross. Anyhow... Boyfriend and football have been together way, waaaaaaaaay longer than he and I have, so I have to learn to share. I can be a reasonable person... sometimes. Right, the television issue: Boyfriend gets the HD NFL dealy thing with all of the games every year, so Sunday is his day to take over the living room. No problem, I can relinquish the remote for one day. You with me so far? This is where it becomes a bit of a situation, one television isn't enough for Boyfriend. He needs two televisions in order to watch ALL the games because it only makes sense if we're paying for the NFL package dealy. He may or may not have used the word dealy. Sometimes he talks so much it's hard to listen so I just throw in my own words. This brings us to the annual argumen... debate where he tries to convince me that we need two tvs for football season and I say no, we're not a sports bar. It's a slippery slope, one day it's two tvs and a stocked liquor cabinet, and the next I'll be coming home to a bunch of neon signs that promote beer, and slutty waitresses in my living room. A-no a-thank a-you. I swear, Boyfriend, if you read this and get any ideas I will She-Hulk so fast you will lose your face. That's your warning. What can I say about our... debate... except that when Boyfriend wants something he will talk in his Eastern Canadian slang until I ungraciously concede before my ears want to burrow inside of my head to get away from it. For the last two years we have come to the agreement that he can have a second television, but it only comes into the living room on Sundays, and Sunday night it goes back into the closet. And idiot that I am, think that this will actually happen. Dear NFL, I hate you so much sometimes.
All in all, there are two main reasons that I can't like football:
1) Boyfriend will love me more if I do. You may think that this would be a good thing. You're wrong. If we spend more time together it will disrupt the delicate balance of our relationship and may lead to our undoing. You see, if I don't see much of him, Boyfriend appreciates our time together which makes him act like a better boyfriend. And less time together means there are less instances where I threaten to knock his front teeth out because he lies about keeping a second television in the living room four months out of the year. Win-win.
2) There are two flaws of football that can't be ignored: it is both stupid and boring.
That's all for today kids.
Time for tea,
K
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